" Between what is said and not meant,
and what is meant but not said,
most of love is lost "
kadang banyak benda yang nak ditanya, dibualkan, tapi terdiam sebab kita asyik fikir, apa yang dia akan response. will she smile if I said something funny, will she answer those numerous questions that have been in my mind for quiet a while. will she this. will she that. or will she stay acts like a stranger.
how I wish boleh masuk mind orang. tapi Allah takkan bagi pun kemampuan tu.
and how I wish I can understand people better.
kadang rasa, kalau aku sendiri pun tak cukup memberi, jangan lah expect akan terima. kita tak tanya pun masalah orang apa, tapi expect yang orang akan datang tanya kita masalah kita. macam macam lagi, kita tak cukup berbuat tapi harap orang buat pada kita. masalah sendiri -.-
terfikir sendiri,
dalam seharian, macamana pergaulan kita dengan orang. banyak tentang diri or banyak tentang orang. err macam banyak tentang diri. selalu tentang apa yang kita dapat. input nak dapat banyak tapi takde output pun nak beri.
so now, kesan dia,
i was left in a state that buat apa pun macam salah. tegur salah, diam salah, concern pun salah. entah. Allah lagi tahu kot. it wasnt easy to repair the mistakes you have made. and to say, menyesal for all the things that I wish boleh turn balik masa. but we can't.
i was left in a state that buat apa pun macam salah. tegur salah, diam salah, concern pun salah. entah. Allah lagi tahu kot. it wasnt easy to repair the mistakes you have made. and to say, menyesal for all the things that I wish boleh turn balik masa. but we can't.
semalam sembang dengan someone,
she said, dia dah keras hati dah dengan another someone. for all the things yang orang tu buat dekat dia.
i was taken aback. reflect masalah sendiri. heh. tapi muka cool cuba menenangkan dia, teringat hadis, buatlah baik dengan orang even if orang menzalimi kita.
but then she texted me the next morning,
" I've decided, I'll try to be nice semampu boleh even if it will break me occasionally. and it was only for the sake of Allah and tarbiyah, who knows people can change in the end. and if nothing change, the end is still syurga, so I'll hold on"
" I've decided, I'll try to be nice semampu boleh even if it will break me occasionally. and it was only for the sake of Allah and tarbiyah, who knows people can change in the end. and if nothing change, the end is still syurga, so I'll hold on"
knowing her and how strong she was, amazed me.
and bila dia decide untuk lembutkan hati and berbaik, lagi amazed.
when people hurts you for the first time, it doesnt matter by words or by actions, kita belajar bersabar. and after hundred times of being hurt, kita tanya diri, mampu lagi ke aku bersabar. asyik aku yang kena bersabar. tapi lama lama tersedar, and make a promise with Allah, even if everyone is breaking me apart, breaking me into pieces, I'll gather myself again and again for Allah. I'm praying that jangan Allah matikan or keraskan hati kita because of khilaf manusia. because in the end, humans are imperfect.
and if bukan kita yang hendak menjadi selalu mengalah dan menerima, siapa yang akan mampu mengajarkan ?
and lambat laun, the love is lost.
i am someone who keep missing a lot of things, which i'm trying to teach myself to enjoy new things around. but there's still sometime, i just stuck in the moments and old memories. and no, i dont want to move on. for that reason, i never really delete all those text messages, and no, not moving on. haha. emo sangat.
time's up.
back to work.
back to pump hati
back to reality.
